We started out as classmates, people who shared space in a classroom learning about history and theology and worship planning, Greek and Hebrew. But as the days and weeks passed we each in our own way were growing tired and burdened. The work was demanding and the reading seemed insurmountable. And then one of us said, “Would you like to start a prayer group?” And our time together started. In the beginning it was challenging to find time, some of us lived close by and some of us lived at a distance. Some of us were at seminary on our own and some of us had spouses and young children. But once we made time for this practice of “holy friendship” it became an opportunity that we did not miss.
It was time of listening, praying, reading scripture, talking about our questions and our hopes. It was a time when we were drawn closer into the love of God because we became yoked together—each of us sharing the load, the joys, the worries, the disappointment, the triumphs of each other and in doing so we learned how to set aside a quiet space in our lives for God to enter and speak.
It was slow work; there were certainly times when we left our gathering feeling refreshed, hearts opened, restored. But there were other times when the responsibilities pressed on us and we had trouble avoiding the distractions that waited outside and so missed being present to God’s love. But steadily over the year’s time I recognized that I was being changed. My anxiety and confusion was receding. No drama, but with a deep peace, I began to see God’s work in my life by going deeper in my time with God through these holy friendships.
Holy friendships are those precious opportunities to draw close to God through relationship with others. They do not develop simply through saying hello briefly before meetings or even passing the peace on Sundays. These relationships require sustained quality time that focus on deepening our discipleship and learning how to live lives that follow Jesus.
These friendships may start through a prayer group or Bible study, in working with each other at a food pantry, in being together through a time of challenge or a time of great joy. Holy friendships can evolve from very structured settings—being spiritual companions—or may result from a shared experience that drew you close to God and to each other. But to develop, whatever the beginning, it must be intentional and it must be consistent.
Holy friendship is all about the human need to draw close to God. We long to draw close to God, to experience the still small voice that reminds us that we are beloved, to feel the presence of the One who created us, who loves us, and who promises to never abandon us. But life can grow busy. Obstacles beside our best intent can loom larger than our efforts to scale them. We can feel stuck and unable to determine what to do or where to turn. Things can just stop making sense and we can find ourselves scattered (lost and confused). It is then when we need holy friendships to hold us close, to accompany us, to listen for our questions and our concerns, and to see those possibilities in us that we do not see. Initiated by God, holy friendships draw us closer to God.
Holy friendships invite us into a community where we can share what is on our mind and in our heart. Where we can talk about our questions and our concerns. Where we can celebrate together, sigh and laugh and grieve. Where we explore where the light of Christ is shining on the dark places in our lives. Where we name before God countless things both large and small for which we are thankful, for where we need healing, and where we sense the potential for growth and new creation.
This is the most important thing we do as church. We are called to service and to offer hospitality to each other. But the purpose of the church is to help each person grow toward God in Christ.
We do this in two ways that are interconnected. We gather together to worship and we offer possibilities that encourage holy friendship. When we come together to worship, offering music, prayers, sacrament, and preaching, we try to create a space and a time when we turn our restless minds toward God, so that we can imagine, if only for a few minutes, the dimension of existence that Jesus called “life in abundance.” (John 10:10)
Holy friendship is the complement to worship. If worship is working, it creates a space where people are beginning to desire the presence of God and longing to see more deeply into the mystery. And this is when holy friendships allow us to acknowledge that desire and begin to explore the mystery together.
In our reading today from Matthew, Jesus invites us to come to him and to share his yoke. Yokes are often seen as a heavy weight that is placed on our shoulders and around our neck. This image may make us feel constrained and tired. There are certainly moments in our lives when we feel overwhelmed by the challenges of our lives and the troubles in the world. But Jesus tells us that when we take on a yoke with him, we will find “rest for our souls.” Yokes are not meant for one person to shoulder. Yokes draw two together so that the load is shared and the energy force is multiplied.
Jesus invites us to join him in his yoke that is easy-chrestos—that means “manageable, well fitted, that fills a need” This yoke is fitted to our strengths. It is tailor made for us so that all of our efforts are put to use—not wasted. And this makes our burden light—elaphros—light in weight so that we can move with ease. Our burden will not defeat us because with Christ as our yoke mate, we find restoration, refreshment.
As church we are invited to be yoked with the gentle One who walks beside us and guides us through life. In Jesus we are drawn into God and through Jesus we share God with others. And in this way we are invited to share the yoke of others. When we are yoked to Christ, he manages our burden so that we are not crushed, but are able to experience the joy of his presence alongside us. And when we enter into a yoke with a human companion, we do not have to walk alone or bear our burdens or concerns alone. We have someone to stand with, to experience life with, and to search for God working in and through us because it is always God’s precious will that we would know love.
A boy and his father were walking along a road when they came across a large stone. The boy said to his father,
‘Do you think if I use all my strength, I can move this rock?’ His father answered, ‘If you use all your strength, I am sure you can do it.’
The boy began to push the rock. Exerting himself as much as he could, he pushed and pushed. The rock did not move.
Discouraged he said to his father, ‘You were wrong. I can’t do it.’ His father placed his arm around the boy’s shoulder and said, ‘No, son. You didn’t use all your strength – you didn’t ask me to help.’”[1]
By forming holy friendships with others, we use our full strength in loving God and growing stronger in our relationship with God. Because each of us have different gifts, each of us have felt God’s presence in our lives in different ways, each of us have traveled different roads to arrive at this moment—and it is in this richness that God enters in and opens us to new possibilities. From the outside looking in, many gifts and many opportunities can be seen that are not obvious from our own vantage point.
How many times in deep conversations are very familiar words heard completely different? How many times has someone who knows you and cares about you seen something in you that you had not noticed? How often does God, working through others, show you a new way? How many times has your heart been broken open by God working through a holy friend to see light and love that was there, but of which you were unaware.
The practices that sustain holy friendships are rooted in learning to see the world through God’s eyes so we can locate ourselves in God’s story. We need help from our holy friends and we in turn offer such hope to them to see God at work in the world and in our lives. Alone our own self-understanding can be distorted by sin, by self-deception, and by our participation in habits and practices that are not always best for us. Holy friendships help us see in a new way and stir our imaginations
Holy friendships develop over time through commitment and discipline. Just as with any relationship, trust grows through both quality and quantity of time. Regular space must be made for sharing and exploring issues honestly. Trust grows through time spent together and in this way transformation can happen.
At Grace Church we come together in small groups to share scripture, but also to offer and receive each other’s stories. In our book group, ideas about God and God’s presence in our lives are offered along with places of tenderness and joy. At our monthly dinner group, we talk about our week activities and we share important moments. Planting and harvesting in Gideon’s Garden opportunities open for seeing God at work and lives to be transformed. These regular gatherings form the basis of relationships that over time grow into holy friendships where God’s love is made evident. There is room for more.
Today, we are invited to enter in to holy friendship with those who are present with us at Grace Church. Today, Zoe Jane Peppe and her parents and godparents come to be received into God’s family and marked as Christ’s own forever. How do we show them God’s love? From this day forward we are yoked together. That means that they are a part of us and that we promise to care for them as our own. We promise to find ways to be a part of each other’s lives. There are already strong connections between us, but this young family will need our prayers and our presence as they seek to help Zoe grow into the fullness of God’s promise. We are so glad you are here. Our holy friendship begins.
Whatever brought you here this morning, you are invited to grow closer to God through worship and holy friendship. Many of us have been touched by people who have walked in faith with us and have opened to us Christ’s love in our lives. Some of us are here for a large part because of these people. Who have we been such a friend to? Who do you know that needs a holy friend to help them see God at work within them and then open their imagination to what God plans for their future. Let us draw deeper into holy friendship with each other, and closer to God in Christ.[2]
[1] Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat (ed.). Spiritual Literacy: Reading the Sacred in Everyday Life. Scribner, 1996, 447
[2] “Holy friendships” come from the work of L. Gregory Jones and Kelly Gilmer. https://www.faithandleadership.com/l-gregory-jones-and-kelly-gilmer-cultivating-institutions-nurture-holy-friendship)